The Masked Ninja
by Jet556
Summary: Featuring Ken Finlayson and Niall Warburton. Is he alive? Is he dead? That is the question of the hour! While Niall Warburton's spirit wanders some sort limbo, guided by a Ninja whose mask is unlike that of the Ninja he knows, the question of whether or not Niall wants to live begins to surface. Meanwhile, Ken Finlayson and Heidi Weinerman seek to revive poor Niall!
1. Working on a Hunch

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**Working on a Hunch**

Niall Warburton was dead or so said the Dr. Mix Schrecks, who was descended from Vlad the Impaler and Sun Tzu.

Naturally, his father and friends who were more like father than his brother or mother were saddened but just saying: "saddened" would be putting it lightly.

To one of them however, there was something not right about this. The people at the funeral home kept asking about when they would be paid, so was the priest presiding!

To Ken Finlayson there was something terribly familiar about this… He had read "Ivanhoe"… It was a small part of the much larger Robin Hood mythos… And as he recalled Athelstane had survived the battle of Torquilstone but seemed dead to everyone and the avaricious monks at Coningsburgh had laid the very much alive Athelstane in a coffin just so they could get funeral money.

Robert had a close eye on his brother's open casket… He seemed to know something and standing near him was Schrecks… They were both watching Niall's brother.

Quite a few had their eyes on those two: Randy Cunningham, the Weinerman siblings, Theresa Fowler…

Walking over to Heidi, Ken tapped her on the shoulder. "Pardon me, Heidi, but do you have something that is strong smelling that is not your brother?"

Heidi nodded confused. "Some perfume at home but…"

Ken grabbed Heidi by the arm. Gently, of course! He wanted to date her and grabbing her by the arm roughly would not work out too well! "Excellent, lets go and get it!" He started to lead her to the entrance of the funeral home only for Heidi to stop.

"What? Why?"

"To revive Niall of course!"

Ken had not said that quietly. What little few people there was who were there all turned their heads to look at Ken, the most notable of them being Robert and Dr. Schrecks.

Robert leaned closer to Schrecks. "Watch them!"


	2. A Ninja but not the Ninja

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**A Ninja but not the Ninja**

A psychedelic rainbow landscape… That was quite the place to be in. Of course, Niall was in it… It was essentially the inside of Niall's head when there was no daydreaming, meditating, regular dreaming or imagining going on.

Floating in this landscape, as was already stated, was Niall.

"Oh, great!" Niall groaned. "I'm not dead! I'm sick! Why am I always like this when I'm sick? Cold, fever, all the time!" And the he saw a Ninja wearing a mask that resembled a baboon's face. Instantly, Niall was afraid. He did not like monkeys or apes, having since developed a fear of primates. Long story, go read 'Killer Chimps in Norrisville.' "That's new!"

"Be silent, Niall Slave Warburton!" That voice of the Ninja was not like the voice of the Ninja, Niall knew. Actually it wasn't like that weird time the Ninja's voice changed… Or all those other times… Weird, it was every four years.

"Y-Y-You know, I actually prefer the middle name 'Albert' or 'Brian', can you call me either of those instead?"

And at that moment, the Baboon Ninja changed appearance entirely! He looked like a Centaur… With the face of a baboon! "No, Niall Slave Warburton!" And then once again, the Ninja was a Ninja wearing a Baboon mask.

That was really weird.

"Who… What are you?"

"I am your spirit guide, Niall Slave Warburton." If this Baboon Ninja was Niall's spirit guide, then Niall was in trouble.

Why couldn't he have gotten something else? Like an angel or the god of one of his ancestors? A cat? A saxophone? A pompous, obnoxious, spoiled brat momma's boy of a baboon… No, that last one was basically Robert.

"Uh, okay…" Niall sat down in a chair formed from some flying V's. He was sick he had weird dreams when he was sick. "Why are you here?" Niall then stood up. "Oh my gosh, I'm in a coma aren't I?"

"No, Niall Slave Warburton… I have come to show you your past lives!"

"Okay, I'll go with you…" There was no arguing with a Baboon Masked Ninja. "But can you just call me 'Niall?'"

"Yes, Niall Slave Warburton." Well, that was a 'no.'


	3. To the Weinerman's!

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**To the Weinerman's!**

Sitting in Ken's car, Heidi watched as Ken tried to get his car to turn on. He just turned the key in the ignition but the car just made a noise that sounded like a dying moose. Ken tried again… And again… And again… And again! Finally, the key broke.

"They don't make cars like this anymore." Stated Ken.

"I can see why." Commented Heidi.

There was no doubt about it. They would have to walk!

As they walked, Ken tried to hold Heidi's hand but given the fact that one hand was like some sort of flipper and the other was missing a thumb it would have probably felt weird. Heidi wouldn't have liked to hold hands with Ken, very little did. It was because of his deformity that people didn't like looking at him or even touching him but here in Norrisville people didn't have much of a problem looking at him.

Ken's heart was beating for Heidi. She was so beautiful and he was so ugly… He liked her and he thought she might of liked him but that must have been a long shot! There was never a chance of her liking him. Despite Niall's problem with talking to people he had a better chance of a girl liking him. Niall wasn't ugly he was closer to being handsome than Ken ever would be.

"I'm more shapeless than the man in the moon." Muttered Ken; quoting Charles Laughton.

Heidi turned her head to look at Ken. "Did you say something, Ken?"

"No, just talking to myself."

Heidi stopped and gave Ken a look. What kind of a look. It was a look. If there were a tax on looking everyone would be beggars. "About?"

"Nothing now lets keep walking!"

While Ken kept walking, Heidi just stood still. There was something wrong and she was sure of it. Finally, she continued walking and caught up with Ken.

As they walked on towards the Weinerman residence, they never even thought that someone would be watching them. Dr. Mix Schrecks sure enough was watching them and if anyone did qualify as ugly it was that rat faced, spider leg fingered vampiric thing not Ken.


	4. A Memory

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**A Memory**

As Niall and the Baboon Ninja passed through his subconscious, they came to a memory. Which memory? Niall at the basketball game where Randy and Howard had dressed up in speedos while wearing paint! Even if they weren't his friends, Niall wouldn't have laughed at them. It is not like he had gotten over his problem talking to people yet.

"Some friends they are!" commented the Baboon Ninja.

"They're the best friends anyone in my predicament could have ever asked for!" Niall yelled. There was times when they had been jerks, Howard more so Randy but when push came to shove they had always been there for Niall. Even in elementary school, when Robert had been bullying him they had come to his aid… So had others.

"If they're so great then where were they when Ken was prepared to throw you to killer chimpanzees?" That question broke Niall. Where had they been? Howard hadn't been there but at least Randy should have! The only people there had been Heidi, Theresa and eventually the Ninja and Ken. "You have no friends, Niall Slave Warburton!"

"D-D-D-Don't call me that!"

"Would you prefer something else? Would you prefer I call you Niall Serf Warburton? How about Niall Vassal Warburton? Maybe Niall Bondsman Warburton?" Now the Baboon Ninja was just mocking Niall! "You have no friends! Randy and Howard didn't come to your aid! Theresa doesn't like you she was never even interested in you! It is Randy she is interested in! It's Randy she likes! It's Randy! Randy! Randy! RANDY!" It seemed that the Baboon Ninja had switched from mocking Niall to completely trying to break him. "Why would Theresa ever have an interest in you? You are short, thinner than a person dying of starvation, you never talk to her, you're just a prop, something for her to talk too when she needs to give a soliloquy in the play that is life!" The Baboon Ninja was now just getting cruel. "That's all you are for anyone! A punching bag for your brother, a whipping post for your mother, nothing for your father! Nobody treats you like a person!" What was worse than cruel? "You are worthless!"

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you're just a blob of mustard I had with my toast on breakfast this morning! A bit of undigested beef!"

"Very nice, Charles John Huffman Dickens." The Baboon Ninja was hardly anything like the Ninja Niall knew. Just because someone was a Ninja meant they were a hero. Niall had learned that the hard way.


	5. The Weinerman's

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**The Weinerman's**

Once at the Weinerman's, Ken waited as Heidi looked at her perfumes. Where was Ken waiting? On a couch, tapping his feet to the rhythm of the 1960's Batman theme song.

"Heidi, just pick one!" Ken was starting to lose his patience. "I feel like I'm about to go insane!"

"Ken, it's only been five seconds."

"Oh yeah, feels like six." Ken returned to tapping his feet. Looking over to a family photo, he noticed a man in drag. Picking it up, he called to Heidi. "Whose the man in drag in your family photo? An uncle?"

"That would be my mom!" Ken went silent. No more tapping his feet, he just stared with wide eyes. "As I've told you, my greatest fear is ending up like her."

"Y-Yeah, well I look like my mom, albeit kind of a toned down male version of her and I'm okay with that so if you were to end up looking like your mom I would be okay with that!" Ken didn't know when not to talk. Sure, what he had said was kind of nice but at the same time it was kind of idiotic. Heidi didn't respond. With no response from her, Ken got up to go to her room to check on her. "Heidi?" And then came the pillow, which hit Ken right in the face. Picking up the pillow after it fell on the ground, Ken let out a sigh. "I kind of deserved that." Walking into Heidi's room, he cleared his throat while Heidi sat on her bed, looking at the floor. "Uh, Heidi… I didn't mean to offend you. I don't want to end up like my mom… In personality, I always have her appearance kinda. And you don't want to end up like your mom…" He gave a laugh. "Our mom's probably have a lot in common, except my mom is deformed and yours isn't."

"Example?"

"Well, they could probably eat a pig in a minute while using a pitchfork as a, well, fork." Ken gulped. "My mom actually did that… I hate looking at her. Whenever you first see her you go blind for ten minutes. My brother Pierre and me both hate her and she's never like us. You probably think I'm being hard on her but I've never liked the way she looks at me, like I'm between two slices of bread… What can you expect from someone who ate her fraternal twin half-sister and bit off the tip of my dad's index finger." Ken gave a chuckle. "I guess there is a good thing of us being afraid of turning into our mom's."

Heidi looked up Ken with curious eyes. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"If we are afraid of becoming them then we won't." Sound logic.


	6. Past Lives

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**Past Lives**

Niall and the Baboon Ninja had left Niall's subconscious. Now they were inside his soul itself! Niall looked with wide eyes as figures that looked liked him appeared, with some differences but looking like him nonetheless.

Some Niall recognized from the history books: Khaemwaset the Egyptian, Earl Henry of Northampton, Genann the Irish Gael, Charibert the Frenchman, Isaac the Crusader, Ceol the Saxon, Menenius the Roman, Boril the Wallachian and composer Roman Church… Yet there was someone Niall did not recognize, the face of person of an age that was lost to time… Someone who was the first… Niall's beginning…

"Who is this?" asked Niall, pointing at the mystery man. There was something Gaelic, Roman and Byzantine about him appearance but his trappings looked half Roman half Carolingian. Who was this man?

"Nobody, just like you!" was the Baboon Nina's response.

Niall laughed. "Nobody? Look at this guy! He must have been all things: Beast, Emperor, Champion… How can you say he is nobody?"

"Because that is what this prince is! It does not matter what you are: king or peasant, god or monster, hero or villain, you will always be nobody!"

Niall was starting to feel saddened only for something to occur to him. If he was nobody, then who was the Baboon Ninja? Snatching the Baboon Mask from his so called "spirit guide" who did nothing more than insult him, Niall saw something so horrible that even both of Janus' faces would close their eyes! It was horrible!

The face of evil was ugly to look upon and as the pleasures increased, the face became uglier.

The figure held out a hand and Niall returned the mask. Placing the mask on his face, the Baboon Ninja glared.

"What are you?" asked Niall. "You're not a spirit guide! You've got to be a demon or something to lead me to death!"

"A demon?" The Baboon Ninja laughed. "I' am no demon! I am you and you are me… I am the evil you never feed!"

Well, this was unexpected. Who would have guessed that deep down Niall, who was one of the nicest guys there was, had an evil side?


	7. Confrontation

**Welcome back everyone. Besides finishing "Past Lives: The Middle Ages" you can expect a comedy called "Ken Finlayson Doesn't Wear a Tie." Enjoy and review.**

**Confrontation**

As Ken and Heidi continued on their way back to the funeral home, they found Mix Schrecks waiting for them at the crosswalk. He was not a friendly looking person, Schrecks, and when it came to delivering babies mothers never wanted him anyway near them. It must have been his Nosferatu-like appearance. Funny thing was that he never learned how to deliver a baby he just always wanted to be present.

"Well, well, well Heidi Weinerman… and Kay Fitzurse…"

"That's Ken Finlayson!"

"Whatever!" Schrecks took three steps towards Heidi. Placing a hand, with those spider leg-like fingers, on her shoulder. "Where did you two go off to? To your place? Or his? To play?"

Heidi and Ken both stared with disturbed looks on their faces.

"Dr. Schrecks…" Heidi gave a nervous swallow. "Have you been taking medication meant for others again?" Wasn't that the question of the town, besides who was the Ninja?

Schrecks placed his other hand on Heidi's other shoulder, giving a laugh that didn't sound a little bit psychotic at all. It sounded completely psychotic. "You know Niall isn't dead! You and Karl Frankenstein both intend to revive him with something with a strong scent!"

Ken rolled his eyes. Now he knew how Randy felt with Heidi always getting his name wrong! But it was what Schrecks said that had gotten Ken's attention, Heidi's too.

"Alright, Count Orlok!" Ken held up a hand. "Unhand Heidi and walk away…"

Schrecks continued to laugh. "I haven't even begun to hand her!" Talk about creepy.

That was the last straw! Ken formed a fist, awkward considering how his hands were with one being like a flipper and the other lacking a thumb, and threw a punch, which hit Schrecks in his rat-like hand! Before Schrecks could curl his hands around Heidi's pretty neck, he fell down and hit a street lamp.

Knowing that Niall was alive, Heidi and Ken ran for the funeral home! Niall was alive, albeit unconscious, and it was up to them to save him from being buried alive!


	8. Run, Niall, Run!

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**Run, Niall, Run!**

Where was Niall to go? This limbo was his own subconscious, his pursuer was himself and just how could Niall run from himself in his own mind? He wasn't sure but run he did, down a road of solar panels.

"You mustn't run away!" yelled the Baboon Ninja. It was like being chased by Gollum!

"Yes, I must!" was all Niall could give as a response.

"There is no where you can go, little boy, nowhere you can hide either!" Was the Baboon Ninja really one to talk about Niall being short? Since Niall never fed the evil in him if the Baboon Ninja would be half Niall's height if it had a body of it's own and considering Niall was shorter than Howard that was really saying something. "I'm coming!"

The amount of fear Niall was feeling was causing his body to shake, shiver and sweat causing those looking at him in his coffin to become fully aware that he was not dead.

"Leave me alone!" Alas, he was not talking while unconscious. If he were, people would have probably tried to revive him before Heidi and Ken arrived.

The Baboon Ninja turned into a giant bat-like creature… A winged humanoid, five feet tall, with eerie feminine features! A monster with many names: the Bat People of Brazil, the Death Bat of Mexico, the Athol of Java, the Night Flyers of Vietnam… Whatever anybody called it, it had Niall terrified.

"You can not escape me!"

"I can! I will!"

And he did! Niall got a whiff of the perfume Heidi had gotten from her house and had woken up in a coffin. He was confused about why he was in a coffin, he was confused about why Theresa was hugging him, he was confused about why Randy was ruffling his hair he was confused about everything.

"Get out of my way, all of you!" Cerdic Warburton, Niall's dad, limped forward, picked Niall up out of the coffin. "My boy! Alive!" He then hugged his younger son.

And then Niall spoke. "Hi, dad!" He might have been quiet but everyone around heard Niall talk. "What's up?"

**Don't go away, the story's not done yet!**


	9. Ulrica Warburton

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**Ulrica Warburton**

"Cerdic! Put that miserable little runt of a second-born son down!" Everyone turned to see Robert and Niall's mother, Ulrica. She was a red haired woman with black eyes and dressed entirely in red, but unlike Niall's cap, which was more like the color of roses her clothes were more like the color of fresh blood! Standing by her side was Robert.

Cerdic did indeed put Niall down and hobbled three feet forward. "Well, well, well, here they both are… My wife who has forced me into showing favoritism towards my eldest son and treating my second born son like garbage… And my eldest who no doubt paid Dr. Schrecks into telling me the boy I named for my grandfather was dead!" Cerdic had done the unthinkable. He raised his voice.

Robert started to back away. "I think I'll wait in the car…"

Ulrica then held up a hand. "Robert, don't you go anywhere!"

"Dad?" Niall spoke up to some extent. He was still somewhat quiet but people could still hear him with all the yelling the in the funeral home. "Please, don't fight with mom. I forgive her and Robert."

That was a shock. Everyone was surprised. Just how could Niall forgive Ulrica and Robert?

Randy shook his head incredulously. "What?"

Theresa scratched her head, dumbfounded. "How?"

Howard raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Yes, all of the above!" added Robert.

Niall just shrugged. "I have a big heart, tender as a chicken."

Robert started to look guilty only for a quick look from Ulrica to send the look away. Walking over to Niall, Ulrica just shook her head. "Have I raised as weak a son as this?"

"Mom… I love you as a son should lobe his mother but I have stayed awake at night wondering one thing." Niall swallowed nervously. "Why don't you love me?"

Ulrica gave no answer. She just turned and walked away with her eternally stern face.


	10. Who was that girl?

**Welcome back everyone. Here is the final chapter. Next week, I begin "Attack of the Flying Mustaches." Just a breather something a bit more comedic after all this drama! Enjoy and review.**

**Who was that girl?**

Taking a few small steps out of the funeral home, Niall looked around. Everything was so nice, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, there wasn't a cloud in the sky! Now if only Heidi and Theresa weren't holding his hands. He wasn't a baby, he had not just spent a year in a wheelchair, had not just gotten legs surgically attached to his body.

"I-I-I can w-w-walk fine." Niall stuttered. He might have had no problem speaking to his family without stuttering now but other people he would have a problem talking too. When it came to someone like Randy or Theresa, Niall wouldn't be able to get anything out. When it came to someone like Heidi, Niall would only be able to stutter. Hence a stutter while he addressed Heidi in a whisper. Heidi just ignored him. This was torture!

"Hey!" At that point, Ken came running out. "What's the matter with you two? The sword went through his chest and miraculously missed every organ! It didn't go through either of his legs." Shooing the girls away, Ken put a hand on Niall's shoulder. "Not every day you walk out from your own funeral, huh?"

Niall didn't even hear Ken. At the crosswalk he saw a girl… A girl that Niall knew and at the same time didn't know! Her skin was like ivory to Niall's eyes, she wore a dress that swirled like chiffon. Because she wore sandals, Niall saw that her feet were slender and whiter than snow if that was possible. And her hair! Niall saw both red and yellow hair upon her head. From where he stood, Niall saw that the girl's left eye was blue and her right eye grey… Very curious! And then he saw those red lips! Was this girl even real or was she some sort of dream that Niall saw in the daylight?

Starting to run over to talk to the mysterious girl, Niall tripped on the steps of the funeral home and for the first time in his life, screamed in pain as he skinned his right knee.

Not protesting with a stutter, he welcomed the help of Heidi, Theresa and Ken too. Looking at the crosswalk, Niall did not see the girl there. Had she even been there? Was he a mortal looking for the divine? Perhaps.

But who was this girl? What was her name? Niall had seen her many times for fleeting moments but now he started to question if what he saw was even real.

**The End**


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